I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
