bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
