Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
