Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
