First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
