omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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