where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
