i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize