But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
