My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
