btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
