does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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