you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
