I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
the raccoons are back...
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