I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
