the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Nicole vs. Life
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
