The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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