why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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