It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
This toilet bowl is my home.
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