Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize