your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
