Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
