It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
