My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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