Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
