We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
