My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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