3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
