dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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