So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
