There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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