hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
