i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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