Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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