people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize