i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
