oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
