This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
