You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
