I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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