I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
