I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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