How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
