I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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