Sponge bath it is.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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