Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
