your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
