if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
