I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
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