Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
