We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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