I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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