i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
vagina is talking i cant
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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