I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
