You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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