is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize