I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This baby is an asshole
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
