mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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