There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
