You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
