Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
