if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
