I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
