I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
