No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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