I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
