can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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