Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize