you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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