if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
