i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
