so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
