I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
