In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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