it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
