i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
